Laughs

4 Nigerian Guys Share their Experiences Trying out Weed for the First Time – It’s Hilarious

kevin hart

{Disclaimer}: We in no way encourage, nor support the ingestion of any type of weed or medication without the doctors prescription.

 

These naija guys share the stories of the first time they smoke weed. The stories are down right hilarious. They are mostly long, but i assure you that every word is worth it.Enjoy!

 

 

 

“I had just moved out of my parents house and was sharing a room with my “friend”. I had no idea he smoked weed, despite his suspicious movements and signature weed scent(abi na odour?) barely two weeks after moving in with him, my worst fears were confirmed as he started bringing home his weed smoking buddies and they would occasionally roll a wrap and smoke it right there in the room or mix the weed with beans or spaghetti.
Being a very curious person i always wondered what made them happy after smoking, so i decided to find out for myself(wrong move) It was a very hot day in February, a Saturday i think it was, my friend was out as usual.
I searched everywhere for his stash but couldn’t find it so i decided to go and get mine. I arrived the weed joint all sweaty and nervous, half expecting to get mugged but nobody seemed to be aware of my presence there, they were all on different planets all expect one i concluded that he must be the seller so i approached him and the following conversation ensued:
Me: how far?
Weed seller: i dey
Me: i wan buy weed
Weed seller: how many parcel?
Me: parcel ke? Iro oo, na just small i need
Weed seller: laughs really hard. bolo leleyi sha (meaning this guy is a dunce oo)
Apparently, a parcel of weed is that small wrap, i didn’t know that. I thought it was something very large. I gave him 1000naira and he gave me a tiny wrap of weed with a white paper, i was suprised when he gave me 950 as change.
I couldn’t believe weed was that cheap. On my way home, i decided not to smoke it but mix it with beans because i thought that it will be better that way(another wrong move).
Long story short, i cooked beans and added the whole weed, ate it and called my friend, i told him ogbeni i just ate weed oo and nothing happened to me this one that you people will eat and be feeling funky, i don chop am oo.
My friend was like ehen you be strong man oo. I decided to take a quick nap before doing laundry, i woke up about 20 minutes later on the floor i was banging my head on the floor, and i couldn’t stop, my heart beat was so audible and fast, everything was extra bright and extra loud.
After a few minutes of head banging, i was able to get up from the floor, I felt as if i had just gained access to a part of my mind that I never knew existed previously, it was scary and cool at the same time.
I could feel the blood flowing in my veins(you have to experience it to believe it. Though I strongly advise against it) i felt so uncomfortable in the room, it felt like i was in an oven suddenly a voice in my head whispered ogbeni bo aso e joor (off your clothes) i obeyed.
The voice came again oya sa re(now run) that was when i realised that the weed had taken effect so i decided to take a shower to see if it will calm me down, but the water felt so hot on my skin so hot i ran out of the bathroom.
I called my friend to see if he could help me make sense of what was going on but he laughed at me, he asked me the quantity of weed i took and i told him i used a whole parcel, he said guyyyyy you don eff up if you no sleep in the next 30mins, you go mad oo go chemist make you go explain yourself.
By this time things had escalated, i had a severe itch at the back of my head that wouldn’t go away no matter how hard i scratched and i was convinced that the beating in my chest was an evil spirit that could only be killed with a punch.
I ran to my neighbour champion and told him champion e jo e fun mi lese laya (champion pls punch me in the chest) ti e ba gbami lese laya mo ma ku oo(if you don’t punch me i will die oo) he hissed and walked out having had enough of such nonsense from the boys in the boys quatters.
The voice in my head came again iwo na o de gba ara e lese laya abi o ti fe ku ni (why don’t you punch yourself in the chest or do you want to die?) i punched and punched but there was no difference.
The house was getting hotter, the voice in my head was getting louder, the itch in my head was getting worse, and the evil spirit in my chest was getting louder.
Then came the voice again oya ma sare lo(start running) so i started running but on getting outside in the sun, i felt so cold i was shivering but that didn’t stop me from running (i would have given husain bolt a run for his money on that day).
On getting to the chemist, i realised i was bare footed, i told him i had a severe headache i needed something to make me sleep immediately, he gave me the drug and i chewed it right there in his presence, next i asked him to give me a drug for evil spirit, that was when he realised something was wrong with me and chased me out.
I got back home and tried to sleep but my heart beat wouldnt let me, so i ran back out this time around to a nurse in the area, first thing she asked was kilode o wo bata ni? (why don’t you have your shoes on? I told her jackie chan ti gba bata lowo mi (jackie chan collected my shoes) i was finally able to explain my situation to her and she took me in, tied something around my elbow and injected me directly in the vein.
I passed out immediately only to wake around 1 or 2am in the middle of the night with the worst kind of hunger I have ever felt in my life. I ate a whole loaf of butter field bread in one sitting without butter or tea.
I came home to a hero’s welcome, my friend told me e be like say your head no carry am but e go better make you try am once more so you go dey use to it.
The following day while the house was empty, I packed my Ghana must go and like the prodigal son in the bible I went back home to my parents. It’s been a few years since that experience but the lesson I learnt is an unforgettable one.
My curiosity hasn’t gotten me in trouble again and my circle of friends have since changed.
LOL. .
Lesson Learnt really”

 

 
“Before that day, I had never been in contact with weed before, although i have so many friends that take it as if their life depends on it. It happened one night, i left my school imsu to visit my cousin brother in Nekede, because he invited me for his hostel’s night party. I bounced into the party with full alacrity. Of course nekede get babes and the girls were looking at me for reasons best known to them.
I hooked up with a girl and we started rubbing minds together. The girl kind of loved my company because at junctures when i will leave her to go and get some drinks more to top up my cup, she will come looking for me so we can continue the mind rubbings.My cousin brought a cup filled with palmwine, sipping it and when i asked him the content inside the cup he told me, and pointed to the big keg where he got it from in case i need some. I took a sip from his cup and the taste of the palmwine joined the two Unclad wires in my brain and ignited the spirit of drunkenness in me. I moved to the keg and filled my cup with it and walked back to where the girl was waiting for me. We continue talking as i sipped the palmwine slowly
After sometime, i started feeling funny inside, laughing uncontrollably at any little joke the girl cracks. Things worsened as my eyes started closing and i was struggling to keep them open. I thought i was drunk but the amount of alcohol that i have consumed for that night was so small to get me tipsy. The best part of everything and the part i enjoyed the most was that excellent inspirations started flowing into my head and i drew the girl closer and started telling her lovely words that turned her on immediately. Imagine, i just met a girl and i was telling her that i love her. That is so crazy of me. I cant remember everything that i said that night but i know they were a mixture of crazy, funny, and a little inspiration al words.
At the end of everything, i was carried to my brother’s room where i slept from 3am to 7pm that same day. I woke up refreshed. My cousin told me that his hostel guys have mixed the palmwine with weed. I was like
“Are you crazy? “ i nearly got furious on him before the girl from the previous night stepped in to know how i was doing.
That was my experience with weed for the first time.”

 

 

 

 

“At first everything was cool. The next thing was that i saw a ball of fire leaving my body. I then heard a voice telling me I must not let the ball of fire escape and i quickly chased after it. I ran for a long time without feeling tired and only stopped because the fire disappeared. I cried for a long time.”

 

 

 
“The memory of my first experience with marijuana will forever remain fresh in my memory. That was in 2011 during my industrial attachment. I had gone to see my cousin Rita (not real name ) @ nkpor. She was single then and runs a thriving grocery store there at nkpor junction, so her place is my usual getaway when stressed at home. Coincidentally, another cousin of mine njoto (nickname) also came around for a weekend getaway. Rita had gone to asaba for a weekend with her fiance, so it was me, njoto, and chioma, my cousins friend alone for the weekend.
After sales on Saturday around 9pm, i was busy bringing in stuffs when i perceived the smell of marijuana. i traced it to the back of the shop. i wasn’t surprised to see it was njoto cos i know he smokes weed. I was however surprised to see chioma drawing and puffing up smoke. her eyes were dimmed and red. She just looked up at me and gave me a mischievous smile. “better leave now before you get high on this blown out smoke “, njoto teased me. as i no wan fall hand, i claimed to be baaba for kush. i also polished my lie with how i used to smoke with my guys in school. Before then i had always wanted to taste that stuff to know how it feels like, so that night was a perfect opportunity.I took chiomas wrap and started drawing in the stuff, swallowing all and blowing out little smoke. njoto warned me it’s not an ordinary weed but an SK, so i should smoke easy. i ignored him and continued. half of the length has been burnt when i gave back the smoke to weed queen, chioma. i waited a minute but nothing happened. Another minute and yet nothing. This thing na just hype, i said to myself and went to continue with the packing. i bent down to lift a carton and “wham wham wham!!!!”, my head beeped and immediately i entered another world. Everywhere became hazy and people’s voice frightens me, cars were moving on the road and on air. I asked myself What is happening to me. Then my mind evolved so much i can almost hear it as a second person. Also it has the greater will over me, such that it is extremely difficult to object to whatever it told me to do. The weed told me to start running before people will notice i just took weed. The urge to take off was so much but the remaining sane part of me kept holding me back. Just then njoto walked out and saw my condition and immediately sat me down, gave me a satchet water and told me to sip slowly. Chioma was just there laughing at me. I was seriously contending with the igbo spirit as these were going on. “buchi so this is how you are going to run mad,” the sane part of me cried. “how will my mother cope with the news? or is this the ‘dealing’ my ex promised she was gonna deal with me? “ A thousand and one thoughts kept coming. njoto told me to try and fight those things the weed was telling me to do. that i must try to control it, else………… i asked him if it’s normal for first timers and he said yes. Am i going to be okay? he also said yes. i asked njoto if he hears the sound too but he said no. i knew the sound was coming from my brain as it soon began to literally turn anticlockwise in rhythm with the sound. njoto and chioma finished up the packing and held me in both arms as we dragged home because i couldnt recognize roads and gutters. Everywhere was hazy and in chaos. Cars were moving haphazardly in all directions. we got home and i was laid on the floor. My brain continued to turn like a wheel, making me really uncomfortable. i couldn’t sleep, i couldn’t do anything. i cried to God that if he ever deliver me i won’t ever try it again (i still tried it again but it wasn’t as harsh as first time). i didn’t know how i managed to sleep but i woke in the morning very weak and drained. The weed really dealt with me as i soon realized i began to forget things like peoples names for example. one instance was the day i went to bank to pay for Dstv. there and then i forgot the card user name. i thought and thought but couldn’t remember until i went back home to get a previous teller. That stuff nearly wiped my brain clean and it took me years to fully recover.

 

Culled from Nairaland & Facebook

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