Okay, let\u2019s talk about this \u201cfit\u201d we\u2019ve been talking about. You see, there are three pressure points for men when it comes to relationship. They are the head, the heart, the groin. The order of course depends on each man. For some people the groin comes first, for others it\u2019s either of the other two. A good choice takes cognizance of all three though. But different weights are attached to each by each individual. The groin factor is of course easy to understand. By groin I\u2019m referring to physicalities, and sexual attraction. But you can\u2019t base a marriage decision on your groin only. Sex alone won\u2019t and can\u2019t sustain a marriage. There\u2019s more to marriage than sex. The sex will lose value fast if your partner lacks character. Don\u2019t get me wrong, I\u2019m not saying sex is unimportant. It\u2019s a powerful drive. But it\u2019s inadequate to sustain a marriage. The second factor in the marital fit architecture is \u201chead\u201d. This refers to your rational acceptance of the woman. It\u2019s wholly dependent on the profile you have of her, and how you see her vis-\u00e0-vis you. Can you respect her as a person? Does she \u201cget\u201d you? Will she make you happy? Will she give you peace? Do you feel she\u2019s the best for you, or you\u2019ll rather date someone else? Does she care for you? Does she want you? Can you handle her age, whatever it is? Can you handle her accomplishments? These are rational questions, and they demand answers in your head. They go to issues of fidelity and satisfaction. The answers to these questions will determine the confidence you have in pursuing the relationship. And your conviction. The answers may not please everyone, but at least you know why YOU\u2019RE in the relationship. Men need rational answers to justify their choices. That\u2019s because men often interrogate their marital decisions. When life challenges your decision, or society examines your choice, you have to have those rational answers in you. Without the rational answers society will shake your faith in your relationship, even make you ashamed of what you have. You will then become ambivalent. Some men have been known to withdraw from relationships at this stage. They won\u2019t withdraw abruptly. They just stop picking calls, or they reply texts late, avoid visits, embargo outings. That\u2019s a drawn out withdrawal. It just means something has intervened to change the man\u2019s mind about the relationship. Without self-conviction about dating her you will soon find her inadequate. And you\u2019ll disrespect and treat her shabbily. You\u2019ll be ashamed of her in the company of your friends, treat her like a libidinous quantity of no permanent value. You won\u2019t be proud of her, or what she does, or her achievements. You\u2019ll be reluctant to make introductions. And you\u2019ll always compare her with others, especially the girlfriends of your friends, and wishing she could be different. You\u2019ll even be ashamed of her in family circles. You won\u2019t defend her as you should. And it\u2019s a terrible thing to date someone who\u2019s ashamed of you. If you have no conviction about her you won\u2019t regard her opinion. You\u2019ll do everything to hide her, not showcase her. But then all the sexual attraction and all the rational conviction in the world are not enough. You need a balanced equation. The third component is the \u201cheart.\u201d Heart characteristics are important. And the first and most important \u201cheart\u201d characteristic is the quality of her heart. Is she kind? Is she nice? Is she good? Then you\u2019ve got to look at character. It\u2019s important she has character because it goes to the issue of trust. If she\u2019s a constant liar for instance you won\u2019t be able to trust her word. And she may be manipulating you. You won\u2019t trust her phone calls or texts. You won\u2019t trust her word about where she\u2019s been. You\u2019ll become FBI and Holy Police rolled into one. You\u2019ll almost mount surveillance cameras. (Some men do!) It\u2019s never advisable to marry someone you don\u2019t trust, or can\u2019t trust. You\u2019ll just give yourself hypertension. You can\u2019t be doing forensic examination of your girlfriend\u2019s utterances. It\u2019s wearying. It will always put you on edge. You want someone you can trust intrinsically in a relationship. And that goes to the issue of values as well. A synergistic value system is most important in a marital equation. The more values you share with someone, the more robust the relationship will be. If you believe in hard work and she does not, at some point you\u2019re going to clash on that value. Date someone you share values with. Don\u2019t be carried away with mere looks. It\u2019s skin deep, literally. Character also goes to the issue of self-submission in a relationship. You can\u2019t be out of control in a relationship. A wilful partner will hurt and wound you in many ways. She will do what she likes, even when she knows it\u2019s not right. She can even betray confidential information, you know, just do it. That\u2019s because no one can talk to her. She\u2019ll do whatever she feels like, or thinks is right in her opinion. Those opinions are often wrong but she\u2019s highly opinionated. A wilful person somehow never imagines consequences. She dares consequences. It\u2019s hard to date such. But there is a very important heart issue to consider \u2013 love! Does she love you? Do you love her? Sometimes people are trapped in wrong decisions. Though in a relationship without love they can\u2019t get out. The longer a relationship, the more difficult it is to exit on the excuse that love was never there ab initio. The rationale of absence of love ab initio is betrayed by the longevity of the relationship. You shouldn\u2019t feel OBLIGED to marry someone. If you don\u2019t love someone don\u2019t go into the marriage. You\u2019ll pay a heavy price for such wrong-headed dutifulness. The price is denominated in unhappiness and depression. Don\u2019t play with unhappiness in marriage. It\u2019s proximate to clinical depression. Visit psychiatric hospitals for confirmation. When the three factors come together \u2013 the heart, the groin, the head, then you have a virtual \u201cfit.\u201d And please don\u2019t buy into \u201cthe love will grow\u201d syndrome. Let it grow before you say, \u201cI do!\u201d What if it never grows! You have just one life. Don\u2019t stake it on a bad marriage. Don\u2019t go into what you\u2019re not convinced about. I wish you a very happy future with a loving and kind woman. Culled from a collection of tweets \u00a0by @jacknjillive & @lekealder.